RESOLUTION: RESPECT

I guess it’s kinda weird to talk about New Year resolutions when we are half way through the year, but hear me out for a bit. Do you make resolutions at all? Have you kept any? Are they the same every year or do you make new ones?

I for one have never done a resolution to make New Year resolutions in my entire life. That is until this year started. You see, as I was leaving town to visit my parents for the holidays, and as i waited for my plane to arrive, browsing for light, humoristic reading material in an airport book store, I found shoved under paperbacks in a corner a book by Gretchen Rubin titled The Happiness Project. The author narrates how in a span of a year she made it her mission to achieve happiness, even though it is a highly subjective matter, through resolutions she assigned herself for every month of that year in order to fix or improve different aspects of her life, such as her relationships with her husband, her daughters, household, friends, work and even to start a blog. Of course, her project was specific to her own needs, but it is adaptable for anyone else if desired to follow something like that.

It appealed to me at first, being that I wanted a fresh start in a lot of things going on for me at that moment. Since I was also going through some setbacks in certain relationships, I decided to give it a go, and step by step fix or improve and see what would happen. Things could only be for the better.

January and February resolutions were started but not quite kept, so maybe I’ll start over on them, which were to keep a tidier house and to eat healthier.

On March I followed into Mrs. Rubin footsteps and began a blog. That resolution I kept, but I guess I should pick up the pace.

After that I sort of stopped setting resolutions for myself and let 2012 go on by as any other year.  Except for one little detail. Since the beginning of the year I meant to make this my year. Not in a “I’m getting married this year” like Charlotte kind of way, but in the sense that I will do what I want when I want to do it, just as long as I don’t step on people’s feelings.

I usually felt like I had to do things that would please others and masquerade that as something I wanted to do. Sometimes it was in order for them to feel better about themselves, even when it was clear I wasn’t up for it, for the sake of not having a major drama spill. Kind of like trying to contain acid in a Styrofoam cup all the while smiling and telling people I don’t mind getting my hands burned.

Really, it’s not that big a deal the shift I made. I just say yes when I want to say yes and no if I want to say no, of course, always minding others feelings. See, it might be a bit selfish on my part but there is no reason to be rude. I’m already rude in other ways so no need to add more to it. Just kidding. Sort of. I mean, if I don’t feel like going out one weekend, I don’t see the big deal in saying I’ll just stay in. Unless of course I’m nagging to go out and then don’t show up, well that’s just rude. Anyway, what I mean is that I won’t care if people think I don’t want to socialize with them, because probably they don’t even think that and it’s me who’s extra worrying over what others think of me.

Actually, that means that the shift I made isn’t really about what others think but what I think they are thinking, which, let’s face it, is boring even to type. Really! Why would I set myself up for that before? It was clearly nobody’s problem but my own, except now I know and I can do something about it. The thing is, I have always had this “whatever” attitude and had pretty much no regard what anybody else thinks, (or so it seems) and I just decided to put a label on it so I could justify it. But then I hadn’t realized I didn’t need to justify it to anyone.

So, without knowing, I basically made a resolution to respect myself, which in the end (or actually, the beginning) was all I wanted to achieve. I felt I wasn’t respected by some people and until I decided to do something about it did I truly feel that respect. Maybe, not directly from them but, at least I respected my decisions and stopped hating myself at the end of the day. I had to make drastic changes and hard decisions in order to get where I am in that matter, but I feel more like myself and lighter even.

Any change to make yourself feel better could only be for the best, so if you feel like throwing caution to the wind and do what your heart desires go for it, you will not regret it. Maybe it could be taking a trip alone, or quitting your job to start a business on your own, it could be anything really, but if you want to do it, who’s to say you can’t? Maybe someday I’ll do any of those things, too, when the time is right, but for now I will do my own version of making everyone gasp in horror when I go to the theaters to watch Breaking Dawn Part 2 premiere this fall. You can all suck it. Get it? Suck it? Haha.