THE AWKWARD INTERACTIONS OF THE SOCIALLY INEPT

As I’ve mentioned before I am a complete spaz when it comes to social interactions, especially when it comes to being around people I don’t really know. Uncomfortable silences are my presentation card since I use these to rack my brain coming up with topics to talk about. And usually the only topics I come up with are those which are inherently associated (at least where I’m from) with people with absolutely no social skills. No one wants to hang out with a person who develops rashes when social situations put her nervous and it painfully shows.

A one sided conversation I’ve probably held in the last year goes like this: “So… uhm… you like zombies? Well, of course you don’t! Who likes zombies, right? But, uh… what’s your stance on zombies? Will you be ready when the zombie apocalypse arrives? Do you think they ever starve? Oh, you have to go? OK… nice talking to… they already left… Kay…” Then I wonder off and remain silent in order to not creep others out with an awkward smile in an attempt to make it seem like I’m socializing. Then I creep them out with a smiling silence.

Sometimes I forget these new people don’t know me and don’t know I often refer to my dog as my kid or my baby, so I get two sets of weird looks when I say “Oh, my baby is so adorable! He usually likes to hold my jeans with his teeth at the same time I’m putting them on, but other than that he’s just swell! Uhm, I mean my dog... my baby is actually a dog. Yeah.” At which point at least one person present will recommend I watch the Cesar Millan show. Trying really hard not to eye roll, and just smile and nod. Creep everyone out when I smile showing all my teeth while my head bops up and down with unblinking eyes.

It is too difficult for me to meet new people. It is something I almost hate and at the same time desperately yearn for. But I don’t really know where to start.

Recently I google searched “how to meet new people” and the automatic search completed it with “…without being creepy”. Read an article with that in the title. Didn’t help, either. See, the thing is, what I find a little exhausting about meeting new people is meeting new people. Not exactly because I don’t want to get to know them (most of the time), but when asked about interests or stuff like that I have to try to seem normal, can’t be myself at first and that is just bumming in itself.

That’s what introverts are. Weird people with somewhat weird interests (many of them turn into obsessions, in which we see nothing wrong about), and skittish around people in general. We kind of feel like that cat on youtube that fights with its own reflection. “What is that? How can it be? I wanna get closer! DON’T TOUCH ME!!” We should form a club, but as introverts that just defeats the whole purpose, I guess. Although, somehow Comic- Con still happens. (Jeesh, I wanna go to Comic- Con 2013 so badly).

Well, as I was saying, it’s hard. Although, I do try to make an effort when I walk my baby dog in the park. I’ve talked with so many strangers oohing and aahing at his cuteness. I’ve met a few people who, when I run into them while my pooch is relieving himself in public, I will say hello to and ask how they are doing. But sometimes I get a better kick when I scare people off when they ask if he bites and I answer stuff like “Not anymore” (with a disappointed tone), “Not yet” (with an enthusiastic tone), “Sometimes”, and “I don’t know… pet him so we’ll see.”

Feature image VIA